Slow Burn
by DarkAlliGator
Summary: Songfic Slow Burn by Atreyu. Sasuke has a choice; power or friendship?


The marks spread over my skin. It's happening again. The curse mark is activating, burning its way out of my body.

_It begins with a dark glowing ember  
something black burning its way out of me_

It's evil, I know that. And it hurts. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt. I bend over in pain, gasping for air. It hurts... but it gives me so much power! I've never felt this strong before. With this power, I could do what I want!

I could kill Itachi.

_Searing the flesh  
Pain is the only thing I feel  
Scars all I see_

What's happening? What is this mark doing to me? It's changing me physically. But what is it doing to my mind? It's even affecting my thoughts. I want power. I know that this mark can give me power. But I also know that it's evil. So I have two choices. I could give in to the mark, become powerful but evil, or I could continue being a pathetic weakling, who will never be good enough to match Itachi.

_Oh no the fire's burning my insides again  
What can I do to silence my desire tonight?  
Flames consuming reason leaving only ashes left_

I have to be honest with myself. I know that whatever I do I'll end up regretting it. But once I've chosen, there can be no going back. I have to decide now. I can't just carry on like this, in between.

_You will catch me regretting my decision  
I can't keep telling myself, what I want to hear  
(What I want to hear)  
I can't just close my eyes_

_(Close my eyes, close my eyes)_

I suppose I could carry on like this, actually. But all that would happen is that I get gradually pulled towards the dark. This mark is killing my morals slowly, making me a bad person. So if I want to go back to what life was like before, I have to choose now. If not...

_I know, that it's killing me  
and it's poisoning, the best of me_

A while ago I would have jumped at the chance of power, no matter what the price. But I got stupid and made a friend. Naruto. I've been lying to myself, not wanting to believe that I actually liked him.

_What I see, I don't want to believe  
So let me tell you more, tell you more  
about the lies I lead_

Since Itachi killed them all, I promised myself I would never have to endure a loss like that again. I would never make a friend, therefore I would never have to go through the pain of losing that friend, or having them betray me. It didn't really work. It just makes it all the worse now I have to make this decision.

_That is how I chose to douse the flames in gasoline  
Broken teeth replace the blackout memories in my head_

I can still remember that night. When I got home and found my entire clan dead. And my beloved big brother was the one who murdered them all.

_Wreckage from the past haunts me, shakes me to the bone_

_I know it's over but I can't go home tonight  
But after this I feel as empty as the night before_

All this time, I've used the pain to my advantage. I've channelled the anger, hate and fear to become stronger. But all this and I'm still not strong enough.

_Feel the pain and yet I'm still begging for more  
Masochistic nihilistic urging backward thought_

All I have to do is ask myself one simple question to end this mess. Just one simple question, but I'm too messed up to answer it. It has to be answered at some point, I know, but I really don't know.

_My life's a mess and I can't find a way to fix it  
I can't keep telling myself, what I want to hear  
(What I want to hear)  
I can't just close my eyes_

This choice is killing me. I need to decide, now. I didn't want to believe it at first, but now I know that something has to be done.

_I know, that it's killing me  
and it's poisoning, the best of me  
What I see, I don't want to believe  
So let me tell you more, tell you more  
about the lies I lead_

I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. But I know that whoever I talk to would be biased. I need to know: what do I value more? My friends, or power? Am I a good person, or a bad person? If I allow myself to give in to the curse mark, would that make me as bad as Itachi? And do I even have a choice? I mean, even if I decide to carry on as I had before, I'll still have this mark. It will always be there, tempting me.

_Calling, calling out  
The darkest reaches of my soul are riddled with self-doubt  
Crawling, crawling out_

I can't abandon my friends... yet I need power. I need to get my revenge, but it seems like the only way to do that would be to abandon my morals and become like Itachi. I am stronger than most. It was a mistake making a friend in the first place. I always knew there would be some sacrifice if I was to become strong enough to kill Itachi. But now I know that I am strong enough to make this sacrifice.

_My will to fight will more than suffice  
when others would lay down_

And besides, I don't necessarily have to become evil. If I'm strong enough, I should be able to resist it.

_It's only as dark as you make it_

I know that this will eventually take everything good about me away. But it has to be done. Even at the cost of myself. I promised myself I would have my revenge. Surely that promise is more important than emotional attachments?

_I know, that it's killing me  
and its poisoning, the best of me_

Alright, I've been lying to myself. I didn't really want to believe it, but I won't be able to resist the evil that comes with the power. I know now that I have to become everything I've always been against. Power comes at a price. But if this is the price I have to pay, then so be it.

_What I see, I don't want to believe  
So let me tell you more, tell you more  
about the lies I lead_

So, then. I guess I've made my decision. Power is more important than friendship. But I know that in the back of my head, there will always be a little regret. A little loneliness, even. A small part of me will always be unsure about the path I have chosen. I have to learn to control that part of me, or it may cost me my revenge or even my life.

I will get my revenge no matter what the price.


End file.
